I take it back

So, after I posted that update, I segued into a pretty bad week, emotionally. Had a bit of a tiff with my mom that left me second-guessing my parenting, my approach with my ex, and my general lifestyle; then my room mate sent me a long (Looooong) message about the cleanliness of the house (I’m not dirty. I just have two children to look after, a busy life, and not nearly as high standards as roomy), which came at a terrible time, then my slopitch team was upset and asked that I come thirty minutes early to the games to help set up. I have no problems helping with set up, but I busted my ass that particular evening to try and get there early with my kids, yet only managed to get there ten minutes prior to game time.

I tried explaining that with two kids of very different difficult age groups–a toddler who can’t get ready by himself and needs items packed, and a 7-year-old who sticks her heels in and refuses to help out or get herself ready…seriously, it took me 15 minutes of asking for her to get her shoes on because I was too busy to hover over her while she did it–I am not able to come thirty minutes early for the 6:30 games on the days that I have my children. I tried to explain on deaf ears that I would be more than willing to help with clean-up and to come in early for set-up when they are at their dad’s. This didn’t suffice and I received the response “We all have kids.” Fair enough, but these people also have husbands or partners that live with them, parents, sisters, brothers, good friends, babysitters… I have nothing. No help. I’m on my own, so it’s hard to keep the house clean enough to meet my room mate’s standards, feed my kids dinner, work, pack up, etc. and make it to the early games on time, never mind being early. I just can’t do it. I’m not even close to being superwoman.

I am defeated. I shouldn’t have joined a team sport.

I guess the worst part of it was not receiving a single word of understanding from these other women. These fellow mothers. I don’t expect the world to bend for my inability to get my shit together, but I do expect a little understanding from other parents. I guess they don’t realize how lucky they are to have a good network of family or friends. And to the lucky ones who are with partners, they are even more lucky. Parenting can be really hard…Especially without support.

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