I am currently on an extended leave of absence from work due to a lot of contributing factors. I’ve lost an obscene amount of weight, had trouble remembering things, lost the ability to complete my sentences… Just a lot of things that made me dangerous at work.

I feel awful for having to call in sick for work and having to go on leave, but I know that it is the best thing that I can do right now for myself, my family, and even my patients.

Work is of course stressful. Being a nurse working in a time of a pandemic brings about an unusual amount of stress. We have been working incredibly short lately; often times I am the only RN on the floor, which means that I cannot leave the unit and have to be available during breaks. It means I’m in charge of all acute patients and all IV medications.

The patients are more vulnerable due to the lack of visitors. They are more fearful and that often presents as frustration or anger.

I could handle that. What I couldn’t handle was coming home to a negative household filled with unnecessary critique, negativity about everything that I do, judgement of my parenting, and parenting solo while not actually being solo.

I had my sleep disrupted. I had my mornings sabotaged. I was setup for failure. I can’t get into many details, but I will say the above. Although I am not anonymous with this blog, those in my personal life don’t generally read this website. I need an outlet to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I wish I could be fully unfiltered here, but I will digress and try to remain peaceful.

He has left. The house has been calm. My guard is still up, however.

I am taking a mental break from things covid-related. I can’t stand the divide that I am seeing in the public domain right now. I can’t stand people making their fellow humans pathogens in their mind. I can’t stand people not understanding informed consent and the most basic human right to bodily autonomy. I have always been vaccinated and been pro-vaccine, but that piece of me is overshadowed by some very basic and key components of what it is to be a nurse — being an advocate. Advocating for patients and their right to be included in their plan of care. Advocating for their bodily autonomy.

I can’t believe… I can not believe what is happening in our “free” country today. I am disheartened by the behavior of others. I am appalled at Justin Trudeau’s most recent speech where he threatened that “there will be consequences” for those who choose not to vaccinate themselves against the Covid-19 disease.

I’m more shocked at how no one seems to see how bizarre this is.